BELLY BLUES

OK so a few years ago I tried Bikram Yoga. For the most part I was always the oldest and the fattest person in the class. All these friggin 20 somethings with their dancing backgrounds doing perfect poses all around me. Hmmmmmm.......one wonders why I stopped going??? But that is another story.
Currently, I am still usually the oldest and the fattest person in all my yoga classes. Now why is that? If there is someone older, they are usually slim and fit, adorable and yogi-ish and chanting like they spent six months in India. But it is the fattest thing that amazes me. Particularly last Wednesday night in some of our YIN poses. I could not stop looking at my belly. Damn. It seemed to always be in the way. Runner's lunge with the knee forward I glance back at my leg behind to check my form and there it is...my belly. In all the forward bends, passive. connective tissue stretches my yoga instructor calls them 100 times a class, my belly was in the friggin way. Now I can put my head on my knees and almost on the floor BUT imagine what I could do WITHOUT my belly. Unbelievable. Can't wait! I looked all around the class. Even though I am not suppose to. Nobody else had a belly. WTF? I must look like amazon woman to everyone else. I wonder if they whisper among themselves, "Good for her, she tries soooo hard and at that size!" Or maybe they are saying, " She has been coming for awhile and isn't getting any skinnier...must be her metabolism!"
Or maybe my ego has the best of me and they don't really give a rat's ass. I am sure that is it.
Anyway, the instructor is very repetitive...for reasons that I will not go into...but sometimes I beg for silence. He thinks it is clever to put us into a pose, talk for a minute about how long he plans to hold us in said pose, rant about connective tissue again and then start the timer for six minutes of sleeping swan. Called him on it. Got a chuckle from the class.
So, there I am in sleeping swan and finally I cannot see my stomach. I am lying on it and it is spread out underneath me. Excellent. So I start looking around again. Bad girl. I can hear the lecture from the instructor, " Don't compare yourself to others." But I can't help it. I am human.
This time I notice that none of the other ladies have their boobs squashed up against the mat like I do, They all have lovely arches in their chest wall from their hips to their outstretched arms,
Me? Well, my alignment is good, my belly is hidden and my tits are splayed out under my chin and underarms. Maybe Lululemon were on to something when they stopped making yoga gear for people over size 12!